Introductions and explanations must wait – Since Friday I’ve put my legs to the test, trying to get about 475 kilometers from Tønder, Denmark to Berlin in 4 days.
Why 4 days? That sounds stupid… It is!
I bought 2 concert tickets for an Australian artist Tash Sultana – She’s no more than 21, plays about 9 – 10 different instruments, beatbox’s, sings and is starting her first world tour in BERLIN.
After buying tickets I booked an appointment for getting my last vaccinations in Tønder last Friday, only to find out that my traitor’ish brain once again lured my poor body into a stupid game of “will-you-brake“. There’s for a while now been a love/hate relationship between my body and my brain – The body drinks itself silly every once in a while, which shortly after results in my brain “forgetting” something like: “Wups.. The tickets, they weeeren’t for Thursday? Noo? Oooh.. Soorry.. Here’s your bike dumbass”.
Express roads are not for bicycle’s
The last 2 days have been hard! I somehow ended up on what I think was an “express road” (motortrafikvej in Danish), and I couldn’t get off. At first, I thought they might just be cheering me on, like:”Hey! You can do this! Honk honk! – Here cool of with some Windex, you’re working hard!” – But then some guy honked and flipped me off, and I realized I had 18 awkward kilometers ahead.
Berlin in one day! No?
My brain had another brilliant scheme up its sleeve yesterday morning, and kept going:”Hey let’s get to Berlin TODAY!! 250 kilometers, YOU CAN DO IT!”.
So I jellied up my private parts and got to biking. About 50 kilometers into the days trip I found a small problem. In Germany, nearly everything is closed on a Sunday, which means no food and no water!
After about 150 kilometres of too many secret GPS dirt roads, I had no water left, I was starving, I’d been wearing the same underwear for 3 days, hadn’t had a shower for 4 and it felt like a big German boxer had been working on my ass all day while using my back as a boxing bag. I did the only thing I knew would work, and put “PIZZA” into my GPS – It led me to a Hotel, so that’s where I stayed last night. With pizza!
I need a date for the concert
I have 110 kilometers left, and 2 tickets for the concert, so I need to track down a date who doesn’t mind “Dior de Sweaty-ass-crack“. Seriously though, 4 days of this, finding a date shouldn’t hard, right? – “Come on! YOU CAN DO IT!” – Shut up brain, I don’t need you for this.
If you want to see if I make it to the concert, you can track me all the way.
Now bike, now bag, now GPS and breakfast, on butt, on back, on body aaand Blitzen?
Berlin here I come.